Hello, everyone! It’s been wonderful having you all here, and getting to know some of you, and letting you get to know me. For a variety of personal reasons, I am moving over to a public blog (under my real name, with my real identity).
I’m not abandoning this one entirely yet … my mom doesn’t know about it, so I’m holding on to it for those things that are just too private for parental eyes, and for fun, and things that I don’t necessarily want people to find when they google me.
But, I like you all. And because you’ve been such great followers, I’m trusting you, and inviting you to come join me here at the new blog, A Kodoma Forest. If might not have quite the same content as this one, but it’s still the same me, so I hope to see at least a few of you there.
See you there!
I have this insatiable hunger; it’s a starvation, really. An endless chasm of dessert hidden under a hairline crack in my mind. If I let myself slip or fall through that crack, there are no walls to climb back up- it’s like being trapped on the inside of a steep-and-slippery-walled cup. Not that there are even walls to see- there’s only endless seas of this timeless wanting.
You might recognize the stuff, if you take it out of this despairing context. What is it that all that craving is looking for? Assurance. Protection against the nightmare ‘could-be’s that a too-sharp mind is plagued by. Walls to blot out the five million doubts. Trust, and love, and acceptance, not of the quirks, not only those simple bemusing oddities: but also the darker quandries underneath. You could say I yearn for the unconditional, the simple, the secure- things that cannot come from within. I’m dying, crying, begging to be allowed in, held close, where I can find them in you. But for now, I’m just running in my mind, and there is not horizon there for me to find. Ends don’t exist; not when there was no place to start. To be more honest, you could say I’m in terror of being the last- last to come, last to go, singled out. Alone.
I’m lost at sea; forever wandering. When will you come take me home, at last?
So I had the best idea for a date. A SWEATER SHOPPING DATE.
First you get coffee. Then you go to thrift shops and buy sweaters. Then you bring the sweaters home and wash them. While they are in the washer/dryer, you make out and stuff. Then, you take the sweaters out of the dryer and you put them on and you get all cozy and eat snacks and watch movies in your cozy clean sweaters! And you kiss a lot. The end.